Seinfeld, Car Reservation ========================= (transcript by David Beaver) DRAMATIS PERSONAE: E is Elaine, J is Jerry, and A is the assistant. 1. E. I'm in awe of his intellect. When he talks it's like he's reading from one of his novels. 2. J. Owen March. I never heard of him. 3. E. Well, he's not a baseball player. 4. J. Yeah, that's true. 5. Well, so it sounds like its going pretty good. 6. E. Yeah! Well, there is one little problem. 7. J. What's that? 8. E. He's 66 years old. 9. A. Next please! 10. E. [Silence] Go, Go! Come on![shuhs J towards counter, J moves but doesn't turn away from E, maintains eye contact.] 11. A. Can I help you? Name please? 12. J. Seinfeld, eh, umm I made a reservation for a midsize, and SHE's a small. 13. [J slaps hand on the counter, broad grin, while E makes facial contortion] 14. [J makes flap gesture with hand] 15. 13. J. I'm kidding around, of course, ehhm 16. A. Well, let's see here... 17. J. [to E] 66 years old... 18. E. Yeah, well, he's in perfect health. He works out. He's vibrant. You'd really like'im. 19. J. Why do people always say that. I hate everybody. Why would I like him? 20. E. [Tuts, makes face] So what do you think, would you go out with a 66 year old woman? 21. J. Well, I'll tell ya. She would have to be really vibrant...So vibrant she'd be spinning. 22. A. Well, I'm sorry, we have no midsize available at the moment. 23. J. I don't understand, I made a reservation. Do you have my reservation? 24. A. Yes, we do. Unfortunately, we ran out of cars. 25. J. But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.[J using both hands in parallel.] 26. A. (Ys) I know why we have reservations. 27. J. I don't think you do. [gesture with both fingers pointing, beat on "don't"] 28. [pause, E open mouthed] 29. If you did, I'd have a car. [non-parallel hand gestures] 30. See, you know how to take the reservation [parallel hand gestures, open palm] 31. But you just don't know how to hold the reservation [parallel hands, fists close on "hold", but pumping slightly in rhythm with "reservation"] 32. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. [again parallel fist clench on "holding] 33. Anybody can just take'em [J wildly grabbing reservations in the air around him with both hands acting simultaneously but independently] 34. A. Let me, ehhm, speak with my supervisor. [leaving] 35. J. (ah) Here we go... the supervisor. [hands behind back.] 36. You know what she's saying over there? 37. E. What? 38. J. Hey, Marge, see those two people over there? 39. They think I'm talking to you, so you pretend like you're talking to me. OK, now you start talking. 40. E. Oh! You mean like this, so it looks like I'm saying something, but I'm not really saying anything at all. 41. J. Now you say something else, and they won't yell at me, cos they thought I was checking with you. 42. E. Oh great, I see, I'm gonna take the note, I'll see you later. 43. A. I'm sorry. My supervisor says there's nothing we can do. 44. J. Yeah, it looked like you had a real conversation over there. 45. A. We do have a compact, if you would like that. 46. J. Fine. 47. A. Alright. Well, we have a blue Ford Escort for you Mr. Seinfeld. Would you like insurance. 48. J. Yeah, you'd better give me the insurance because I am gonna beat the hell outa this 49. A. Please fill this out. 50. E. [to J] So what do you think? You think I'm making a big mistake? 51. J. Hey, if you enjoy being with him, that's what's important. 52. E. I love being with him. I mean... I like being with him.... It's OK being with him.